Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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