How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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