Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
