thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
