Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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