your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
