There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Mom said you looked used
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
