Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
