Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
