Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
