Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
