My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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