I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
