He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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