We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
