there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
