you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
