Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I smell stomach acid.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
