this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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