I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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