Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
