I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
