Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
