please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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