Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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