We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't turn off my feet"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
