tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
