I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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