So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
