Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
