two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize