...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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