is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize