I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
