My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
