Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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