after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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