I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
