I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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