How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
