how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
