If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
