Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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