I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
