I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
