I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
