guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can you bring me the toilet please
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
