And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
