you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
