Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
