i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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