That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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