im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
