Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize