just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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