My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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