Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
