you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize