We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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