Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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