I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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