My liver just broke up with me...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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