I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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