If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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