It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
