I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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