So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your cock deserves a montage
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
