$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
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