This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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