can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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