You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
